The Last Few Pages

In exactly one week, I'll be at the Toronto airport ready to board a plane with my one-way ticket to San Francisco. The fact that it's a one-way ticket is already extremely exciting because I won't know what life will be like once I board that plane. Sure, I'll know some stuff like where I'll be working and living, but other than that it'll be a whole new journey. 

I'm 21 (a few days shy of 22) and still in shock at how fast everything happened. I never would've guessed that I was moving out of the country so soon let alone moving out of my parents' home just a few months after graduation. 

I'm excited to experience and start this new book in my life but there are definitely moments where I am hesitant, nervous, and scared about it all.  

  1. Home. I always hear about students who live on campus and when they visit home, things just don't feel the same and home doesn't really feel like 'home' anymore. I was a commuter student so I never had that problem or even knew what that felt like. I'm a little scared about how things will be like when I do come home to visit. Will my room feel mine anymore? Or will I feel like I've learned and changed so much, yet nothing at home changes? I try to remind myself that home isn't a physical place, but all the moments and people combined who make my life wonderful so no matter where I go, home will never be far. 
  2. Relationships. I know that relationships are always a 2-way street and if you put in the effort to stay connected, it's definitely do-able. But at the same time, I do get worried that FOMO (fear of missing out) will happen. I'll miss out on family parties, birthdays, big life events, milestones in my puppy's life...this will be inevitable and as much fun moving to a new country may seem...missing these moments will be something that I have to let go of.
  3. Loneliness. As much of an extrovert as I am, I'm worried that I'll get lonely. I don't think people talk much about these things because the glamour of going to a beautiful place like California always overshadows the fact that it's even possible to be lonely. I'll be surrounded by like-minded people in an fast-paced environment so I think I'll be okay for the most part but it's definitely something I've thought about. 
  4. Environment. I'm familiar with America and know how similar Canada the the U.S are in terms of lifestyle and people in general. But no matter what, the community where I live will feel different, the people including how diverse it is will all make a slight impact on my experience. It'll be something that I have to adjust to and I often can't help comparing my hometown with new places, but that's okay.
  5. Recreating yourself. Back home in Toronto, all my friends knew who I was. They knew my interests, my history, my tendencies, or just random facts about me. Moving to a new place meant that I had a blank slate and could recreate myself completely. It can feel overwhelming when I think about that because it's obviously easier when people already know about your background and the type of person you are. But I realize that whenever you meet someone new, the whole process of getting to know someone will give you that opportunity to open up about yourself. It's actually pretty great to be able to get that blank slate. 

Besides some small worries, I can't wait to see what my life will be like. I'm excited to be on my own and try new things, and meet new people. I'm really looking forward to starting work at Google and really amping up my design skills too. Starting over can have its benefits and in a sense, it's not even starting from scratch anyway...just moving what I've created into a new place to continue developing and working on myself. I'm excited to see how the move will change me as a person...oh, and to finally be surrounded by palm trees!