Most of my blog posts have been recaps of events but recently I came across inspiring leaders such as Mark Zuckerberg, Sheryl Sandberg, and people on HONY (Humans of New York) who shared their vulnerable moments and experiences publicly. I am truly inspired by their honesty and bravery in talking openly about their personal problems. I want to do the same in hopes that my authentic experiences (whether small or big) may one day help anyone who visits my blog, or least be a reminder that everybody is going through something no matter how strong they are.
At the beginning of this year, I set a theme for 2015 as 'Letting go'. My goal was to keep a positive mindset while aiming to let go of things that no longer serve me or bring me happiness. Recently, I got out of a long term relationship of six years and I felt a bit lost to say the least. Things were different and it was really hard to stay positive at times. I was entering a new world and there was a wave of overwhelming changes that happened all at the same time (graduating, moving countries alone, returning home from travels, and becoming single). I found myself holding back, a little scared, yearning for a safe place to make sense of things, to make sense of who I was again and who I might become. I felt emotions that I never felt before and quite honestly, I was confused and still in shock. On the surface level, I wanted to push these changes out, I wanted to stay comfortable. I even had a moment when I told myself I didn't want to move to California anymore despite how exciting this idea was (and still is) to me. Part of me wished so badly that changes didn't have to be scary or painful, but the wiser part of me knew that deep down I'll only suffer more if I cling onto those thoughts.
One of the most important things I told myself was that it was completely okay to grieve, to be sad, and to mope around but eventually I would have to pick myself up and be strong, fearless, and brave. Change is inevitable, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. So after several weeks of moping, I decided it was time to face the world and to focus on all the new opportunities that were coming my way. I am choosing to embrace these changes as I remind myself that you can never really hold onto any moment which is why living in the present is so important. Things don't last forever no matter how much you try to hold onto it.
Currently, as I process all these changes, I practice gratitude. I am more grateful than ever for the people in my life, the friends and family I have, and the experiences and love I've had. I count my blessings and know that I am so fortunate to have this life. I do feel a little lost again but I'm taking baby steps right now, constantly reminding myself that it's okay and that it gives me opportunities to rediscover and find myself again. I'm learning to define myself in fluid terms, not by what I have, or the relationships in my life. I'm learning all over again how to find happiness within myself internally, and to remind myself that changes will allow perspective and deeper growth. I want to choose to give back, to put a smile on others' faces, to live a life that's so full of passion and love that it can only be contagious to those around me.
Despite being a little scared about the changes in my life, I am ready and excited to see what's in store for me. There's always beauty in chaos. The world that you see is simply a reflection of yourself and I truly believe that something positive always comes out of unwanted situations as long as we allow ourselves to see them.
Lots of love,